• Talor Trenchard, MS, LPA, (PsyD candidate)

Somebody Who Loves Me

Updated: Mar 21

The other day my two youngest children asked if we could have a “dance party”. I eagerly obliged! They took turns choosing the first few songs as we all danced around the living room, music turned up! Then it was time for my song choice. I turned on the beautiful Ms. Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody”. As I hope you all well know, the words of the song say, “I wanna dance with somebody, somebody who loves me.” Not totally feeling my song choice, one by one the children exited the room and left me dancing rather ridiculously all by myself. Just as I realized I was alone in the room, the lyrics sank in…. “I wanna dance with somebody who loves me”. For one tiny moment I felt sad for myself, I was dancing all alone, not with someone who loves me… and then I remembered, “OH YEAH, I LOVE ME”. It was a breakthrough moment. I WAS dancing with somebody who loves me… myself! I cranked it up a few notches and kept dancing, thinking as I did about the importance of being with yourself, appreciating yourself, and enjoying yourself.

In psychology we talk a lot about the importance of self-love and how you cannot give away what you do not have. It is true, it is difficult to love others fully when you do not first love yourself. It is also true that it is difficult to attract others and feel deserving of their love when you do not love yourself. Sometimes I meet people who seem to think that self-love comes from liking things about yourself. While I hope that all of you have some wonderful qualities that you like in yourself and feel proud of and grateful for, this is not the best path to self-love. I think that one of the purest forms of love we see is that of a parent for their child. Most of us love our children deeply from the moment they are born and even before. They do not do anything to deserve or earn this love. We do not love them because they are smart, beautiful, talented, nor based on any other quality they might or might not possess. We love them because they are our child! We love them for who they are not what they can do. I would like to suggest that the best path to self-love is similar. Love yourself for who you truly are. You are a unique, wonderfully made, human. You are capable of great love and kindness. No matter your religious beliefs, whether you think God or Jesus or the universe brought you forth… you are here and you are a part of the collective whole that is this living planet and universe. A quantum physicist will tell you that the particles in your body are connected to the rest of us and to the universe. Particles in your blood were made from stars. You belong here and you are powerful. I love you and I hope that you do too! It is my intention that this provokes you to spend more time loving yourself. If you are finding it difficult, do some research, see a therapist, take a yoga class, keep a journal…

#selflove #psychology #goals #growth

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